# Railway modelling and Wife



## musicwerks (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi friends,

All of us are railway modellers be it in a large scale or in small ways.

I have been working on my 4 x 8 for 1 year. 

I have been getting into conflicts with wife for "focusing too much resources and time on train hobby than family".

I still have a day job as a elementary school teacher and I still look after my daughter. I may be poorly-paid compared to her as a bank sales-manager, but my work makes a difference to the kids out there.

a) I am not a full-time train modeller. I spend my free hours in the evenings after work and in between marking books and on weekends to build them. 

I still bring the family out for dinners and buy back the lunch on weekends (no, she is a career-woman and DOESN'T cook/ can't cook). 

b) I do make an effort to play with my 3 yr old daughter by working on the layout and sometimes running trains together. The kid stays in the day care while we are at work and I will bring her home after my work at school is done. I would bathe, change and feed kido and play with her until wife comes home at night. 

c) Yes, I have spent USD 2500 on the layout and trains over the last 1 year. All my trains are run on a budget and all 2nd hand fomr ebay. I have only 4 brand new bachmann engines.


It seems to me that whatever modelling hobby (first was 1/35 tank modelling, then it is 1/87 trains) *will always* result in problems with wives and unhappy marriages. 
. When I was doing my own business years ago, I spend my after work hours in a hobby club making 1/35 tanks...wife didn't like it cos she felt it was a distraction and my friends were "losers".

Is that 'wife problem' a common problem with miniature modellers only?

I have seen and heard a couple train modellers out there who are divorced. 

There are very very few train modellers here in Singapore (less than 20 I reckoned) as houses are really small and land is very expensive and this hobby is 'a class of its own' for being pricey.

Anyone out there shares the same woes as I do? 

Kiong


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## broox (Apr 13, 2012)

I know that feel bro. 

Imagine the strife I'd get into if I hit the pub every night  at least its constructive, and uses your mind.

As an aside, I enjoyed Singapore when I was there a few years ago, although I thought Sentosa Island (spelling?) just didn't seem as flash as I thought it would be 


also, Pics of wife not loading :sly:


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## musicwerks (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi broox man,

Sentosa is no biggie...If you do come again, try the 2 Casinos (I don't gamble) and the pubs in Orchard towers...that be fun (minus wifey)


" As an aside, I enjoyed Singapore when I was there a few years ago, although I thought Sentosa Island (spelling?) just didn't seem as flash as I thought it would be 


also, Pics of wife not loading :sly:[/QUOTE]


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## broox (Apr 13, 2012)

My missus doesn't drink, so hanging out in bars isn't her scene. But I love a beer or 2!


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## joed2323 (Oct 17, 2010)

musicwerks- Your not the only one with the wife issues over our layouts. I get the same b/s also.

Yes family is more important otherwise all you may have is a layout with no kids or wife:thumbsdown: But to some this may be a good thing

When i really got into building my layout, after i got the benchwork in and trackwork, i will admit i liked to be in the basement enjoying my hobby. We got into a few arguments over my layout, bla bla bla. 

Now i try to reason with her, at night, im up from basement no later then 8, i try to spend atleast an hour with the layout, so i spend time with the wife. My kids like the layout, my son more so then my daughter, so i try to get him down there with me...

I almost think sometimes the women dont like to see us happy and (playing) with the trains... 

I would love to get my wife involved with my layout but she thinks its just stupid and boring.

Some guys on here have awesome wifes, they can be in the trainroom all day and night and the wife is ok with this. Wow you guys are lucky to have a wife like this, dont loose her hahaha 

Just make compromises with your wife. Try to spend equal time with your layout and the family otherwise the wifey will no like that too much...
Family is everything, otherwise you have nothing, remember this


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## mopac (Feb 24, 2011)

Musicwerks, my friend, you are on a slippery slope. You will have to be careful going
forward now. (in general) Women do not understand a man wanting a hobby. I don't
think they get jealous but they just don't understand it. Not many women I know have 
a hobby so how could they understand. I would really hate to think they just like to *****. I know it seems like it. Yes, a hobby can cause a divorce. Seen it and was almost there myself. It seems stupid to be that upset over a man's hobby but that never stopped a woman before. They are different animals than a man. On the other side, we don't understand them either. Right or wrong you are going to have to back off your hobby SOME to keep peace in the family. Try these 2 things. They helped me.
1. Do Not try to talk to her about your hobby. She hates your hobby and doesn't care about it.
2. Never leave a single item from your hobby out where she can see it. It will set her off.
Keep everything at the layout site.

Read #1 over and over again till you get it.

It isn't right but but who said life was fair. Its just the way it is.
Men are from mars and women are from venus.


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## Southern (Nov 17, 2008)

I had my layout when I met my wife. So she knows that is part of me. I do not play golf, or other sports that take time and money. I do not gamble, hang out at the bar and drink, for that mater I no longer drink ( I used to keep a bottle of bourbon on the layout.). I am home, and she knows that I am only a yell down the steps away. There is a good TV down here and i have told her that I will give her the remote if she will come down here with me, but she stays up stairs and watches "Lifetime".

She dose joke about being a train widow, but she knows that there are a lot of other things that I could be into that are worse. I used to fly small planes and that was very expensive and it could have killed me.

I need to find away to get her in to making trees. She dose want me to hurry up with the expansion of the layout.


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## Southern (Nov 17, 2008)

mopac said:


> Right or wrong you are going to have to back off your hobby SOME to keep peace in the family. Try these 2 things. They helped me.
> 1. Do Not try to talk to her about your hobby. She hates your hobby and doesn't care about it..


As a mater of fact stop talking to her all together, except to let her know that you are going to miss her.



mopac said:


> 2. Never leave a single item from your hobby out where she can see it. It will set her off.
> Keep everything at the layout site..


Expand the layout.



mopac said:


> Read #1 over and over again till you get it.
> 
> It isn't right but but who said life was fair. Its just the way it is.
> Men are from mars and women are from venus.


 
After the devoice you will have more time, but less money for the trains.


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## mopac (Feb 24, 2011)

Thats funny Southern but you are going to get the guy in trouble. LOL.

My wife has hated all my hobbies I have had. But what is funny is if anybody else says 
anything about me playing with little trains or my other hobbies she defends me to the hilt. And tells them I could be doing alot worse things. All my hobbies are things I do at home and not out running around. I don't drink either. She knows it could be worse.

I have a bumper sticker hanging up down staires that reads " My wife says if I buy one more train she is leaving me, gee, I am going to miss her".


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## raleets (Jan 2, 2011)

My wife only gets upset when I go to my garage for "train time" and ignore the "honey does" that she wants completed. As long as I keep on top of my chores around the house she's cool with my hobby.
Another little trick I've learned is to include her in layout decisions whenever possible. Like what color to paint a building, where to plant some trees, etc., etc. By doing that she feels "needed", which is VERY important to most wives.
She feels honored when I invite her out to the garage to give me an opinion on something. Most of the time I've already made up my mind, but I let her think she's had a big influence on the decision and thank her profusely.
Sometimes you've got to use the side door to get to the front of the house, right?
Bob


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## lears2005 (Feb 26, 2010)

My wife is ok with the hobby I have. I would not say she likes it but like she said she knows where I am at. I think we all need to ask shaygetz how he gets his wife to help him with his hobbys. She even gave him that nice train room.


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## Big Ed (Jun 16, 2009)

Mine has a hobby....watching TV!
Lifetime,hallmark, all the Love channels. Yuck!

She LOVES it when I go down in the dungeon.
As I don't bother her about what is going on in her "important" shows.
Lately she has been watching the show about Deadly woman killers.
I sleep with one eye open!

Sometimes when she is doing the laundry she will stop and comment on the trains.:thumbsup:
You woosywhips better watch what you are posting here about them, you never know if they are reading your posts. Me? Anything I post I will tell her to her face.


I am the King of our house...................................................................of at least the dungeon and garage.


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## MarkVIIIMarc (Oct 19, 2012)

As far as hobbies goes this one is pretty tame. The time I spend with the trains is usually after the kid is in bed so my wife is not too bothered by it.

What she probably notices is how excited you/we are when talking railroad stuff and she is envious or remembers when she got that response out of you. 

I am thinking of a South Park episode think it was titled "attractive vs interesting". Gals have a difficult time as they age faster than us and generally get LESS cool.

So, this hobby or probably another make sure you have something you do together. Good luck.


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## raleets (Jan 2, 2011)

big ed said:


> Mine has a hobby....watching TV!
> Lifetime,hallmark, all the Love channels. Yuck!
> 
> She LOVES it when I go down in the dungeon.
> ...


Big Ed,
I can relate to the wife watching TV. Mine is a tvaholic! Food channels and "Survey said".....double YUK!!
Yes, I am also the King of the house. I can do any damned thing I want to do, as long as I get her permission. 
I'll give her a ton of credit for one thing, she knows my man cave is MY man cave. That took some serious training. :laugh: :laugh:
Bob


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## Ranger (Mar 4, 2012)

I've tried to get my wife into the hobby, but it didn't work. I told her it's a great stress releaver but still nothinghwell:. I've only gotten into a few minor arguements about spending to much time working on the layout. So now what i do is spend a couple hours in the evening on Saturday and Sundays messing around with the layout. Maybe one day she will take an interest in the hobby.


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## Big Ed (Jun 16, 2009)

Ranger said:


> I've tried to get my wife into the hobby, but it didn't work. I told her it's a great stress releaver but still nothinghwell:. I've only gotten into a few minor arguements about spending to much time working on the layout. So now what i do is spend a couple hours in the evening on Saturday and Sundays messing around with the layout. Maybe one day she will take an interest in the hobby.


Tell her she has a choice.....her pick....it is, go to the GO GO bars with some buddies or work on the trains AT HOME.
I bet she will pick the trains.


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## t44florida (Oct 24, 2012)

Been married 30 years. When my "better half" gets up on her high-horse I just put it to her straight out, "hit the bricks." Would you let a complete stranger tell you what you can and can't do with your hobby? Then what makes it alright for your spouse to tell you what you can and can't do? Your spouse should be on your side, support your cause; from fighting in a mighty war, right down piddling at your hobby! If not then she is not by your side. And vice-versa. End of story!


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## MacDaddy55 (Aug 19, 2008)

*Peace in the kingdom!*

We have been married for over 30yrs and my wife thinks my "Dabbling" in electric trains(NOT TOYS) is a very healthy hobby!:thumbsup: Her only complaint is when I spend a bit too much money on some of this stuff...so she is that little voice in my head saying "Not too much!" She also knows that when we eventually have grand kids...there will be a place to play and lots to do with these trains!!:laugh::laugh:


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## dablaze (Apr 17, 2012)

Well I have a different issue, I have two hobbies, the wife and I are both "bikers" she rides, teaches riding at the local college and loves to spend money on Bike "stuff"

She does not overly like the trains, I think she would rather I go back to being Vin Diesel or whatever I was in her eyes before I became Mr Rogers.

But, she has a second hobby too, like Big Eds wife (and others) mine has a pretty permanent pattern on her pretty rear that resembles the weave of our couch. When she is working that weave, its all about cooking (which she does not really do) wedding shows (which I seem to remember she already did) or Greys Anatomy (Um, just puke!)

When she grabs the remote, I grab the door handle to the shop. But not without hearing a snide "Going to play with your choo-choos?"

So the crux of my problem is...

I am slow on the uptake, I need some quality comebacks to say before I run and slam the door to the shop!

(Sorry if this is a bit of a Hijack, Musicworks, I do feel your pain, but I rarely have any real wisdom to offer anyone. And my Dad hid in his basement working on his layout for 50 years)

Craig


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## broox (Apr 13, 2012)

big ed said:


> Mine has a hobby....watching TV!


mine has a hobby... nagging me!



> I am the King of our house...................................................................of at least the dungeon and garage.


oh yeah, i wear the pants around my house too .... just she picks the cut and colour. :laugh:


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## Gansett (Apr 8, 2011)

I don't know about you guys...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg


:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## zorba (Aug 6, 2012)

you should organise a set schedule with your wife. perhaps sunday mornings can be your time for yourself and your wife can have alone time with the kids. but ensure that you recipricate. ie sunday arvos or saturday mornings is her alone time and you can have time with the kids. then have another period for "family" time. 

for us, most nights after the kids are in bed its time for me and the wife to spend time together.


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## buickestate (Oct 24, 2012)

I guess that I'm amoung the lucky guys here. I have two hobbys the first has been classic cars and that is how I met mine in 2007 I was cruising the woodward dream cruise in detroit michigan where I met here, our first date was at another classic car event, and we both look forward to and attend these same events every year since. 

Two years ago we happened to see a train layout on tv and she said to me that should be our winter hobby! we then talked about my past train hobby history and discovered that she too was into trains in the past, she was into N gage, and I was into Z gage. So we settled on HO.

she has planned out our winter week ends so that we can attend as many train hobby and some car hobby swap meets and rumage sales.

Thats not to say she never nags or that we don't have our differances in opinions. She is OCD and likes to keep the house looking like Martha Stewart's cell... and likes to make up lists of things to keep me out of trouble..

We love each other.

I know some of my friends wives's seem to look at hobbies as being the other woman and resent the time they spend on thier hobbies.

Musicwerks, you know your wife. So the most important rule is this:

A HAPPY WIFE= A HAPPY LIFE

Good Luck

Pat


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## buickestate (Oct 24, 2012)

broox said:


> mine has a hobby... nagging me!


Is your pet name for her by any chance "Naggatha"?


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## broox (Apr 13, 2012)

Actually its "5 horses". Taken from the Native American dialect I believe it translates to "Nag Nag Nag Nag Nag"


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## briangcc (Oct 11, 2012)

I've been lucky as my wife has been ok with the hobbies thus far - classic cars, boats/fishing and model trains.

For the cars, I got her involved before taking her down to her first Spring Carlisle event. I showed her what she was looking for, what price I was willing to pay, and added suggestions in for other purchases. She loves tools so we went to all the tool booths and got some things for her toolbox as well as mine. She actually found me a really good deal on the center caps I needed for my gold Trans Am - she saw them well before I did! Also got me the correct carb for my car for $20 (needs a rebuild). She does want to go again so apparently the first experience at Spring Carlisle was a good one. Now to save up the $$$$ so I can buy parts 

For the fishing, I had her pick out her own rod and reel. When it was time to upgrade, she picked out everything again at the local Basspro. Same goes for the lures - she picked out what she thought would work at Basspro. Some worked, some didn't. She even has her own tackle box to keep her smaller lures at arms reach. May clutter the boat a bit but if she's happy, then I'm happy. 

Speaking of boats, she's also helped pick out the next one as we've been to a few boat shows together. She actually ran off the Sea Ray sales guy. We have side pockets on our current boat where I store the fishing poles when not in use. The Sea Ray we were looking at (2' bigger than our current Four Winns) didn't have that and the salesperson was adamant that we could put our poles down in the ski locker. She looked at him and told him her very expensive pole was NOT going where it would get all slimy and wet. When he persisted, she persisted even more and got him to run away. Funniest thing I ever saw :laugh: 

As for the trains, she's seen my work so when it was time to get a Lionel set for our 5 month old son, I showed her what Lionel offered. I went over a number of Railroads and she selected PRR as it matched the Christmas tree she has decorated (maroon and gold). She's also picked out most of the cars for the train and did fairly well on a couple deals at a train meet we went to. We've got a few more items to pick up and I've taken her to a couple LHS to see what's out there. She selected the Lionel Fasttrack system so we'll be using that going forward. 


I guess it comes down to how you approach it and whether she's involved or not. I've tried to involve my wife as much as possible and its worked out thus far. Of course, your mileage may vary...


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## sstlaure (Oct 12, 2010)

dablaze said:


> When she grabs the remote, I grab the door handle to the shop. But not without hearing a snide "Going to play with your choo-choos?"
> 
> I need some quality comebacks to say before I run and slam the door to the shop!


Try "Everyone likes a nice caboose"


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## shaygetz (Sep 23, 2007)

My beloved ordered our new home with a train room in it...

Because I was raised around model trains that were apparently more valuable than family relations, kids are always welcome to run them after a short lesson, my kids are taught to introduce the layout to their friends and are encouraged to run the trains for them. Not only that, my kids also are allowed to actively play with appropriate sized toys on my layout, freely rearranging vehicles as they feel necessary. Even now, Optimus Prime is facing off with Megatron at the Clayton Transfer Warehouse...

When tight times come I readily part with models to keep the funds going. When I want to purchase anything, I actively seek my beloved's approval _first_...and don't stew in the corner if the answer is no. I deliberately do not fawn after the latest and greatest offings from BLI and I don't mind if my old school junk does not have the approval of any rivet counters. The rward is that I'm quite adept at repairs and have a fairly good grip on modeling with flea market castoffs.

In other words, it is just a small facet of my life that doesn't control the rest. I've been doing it since I was 12 (now 52) and my beloved likes its effect on me after a tough week in the trenches. Now that I'm fixing locos for others and all that goes with that, she's all the more thrilled for me.

A long time ago I made a decision in the interest of family time not to build an empire and sold off all that I had gathered for it, giving the windfall to my wife to use as she wishes. I've never regreted it and pity those who can't see the family cost of such large layouts. Time is more valuable than gold yet is frivlously wasted in ways that would make a Congressman blush. 

How many countless hours of devotion are placed into something that, upon the death of the builder, ends up in the dumpster, on eBay or worse, leaving behind a bitter family burdened with disposing of Pop's "train junk" with no clue of its value. I never forget that those great layouts of the past are all long gone, the equipment dispersed and their owners but dust in a box in the ground, and off to an eternal reward of their own choosing. How many of those greats lay on their deathbeds wondering if that boxcar kit will ever get finished? ...I think none.

All that counts for eternity and for my family are done in the here and now, and I dang sure don't want to be found before that Great Day trying to account for things I could of been a part of had I not spent the time--or money--on something as utterly pointless as this hobby.


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## rrgrassi (May 3, 2012)

Lucky for me, my wife actually understands the hobby and my love for trains. She even encourages it.

She likes to make jewelry using sterling silver, semi precious stones, etc. She does sell it as well. 

When she is making the jewelry, I am sitting across the table from her, repairing a loco, or assembling a Blue Box kit, or upgrading old Tyco stuff to body mount couplers and metal wheels.

What I do is buy model RR stuff, refurb it and sell it. I keep anything that is PRR, PC, CR, and I keep some SP, SSW, and ATSF.

I do have family history on the PRR, PC, CR and Amtrak. I had the pleasure to explore the Buckeye Yard as a kid with my grand father. He was a freight conductor for PRR/PC. He retired just before the PC was rebadged as CR.

My father inlaw is also a train buff, or rail fan and also enjoys model RR. So my wife got a good foundation in the hobby. She is also waiting for the day that a train room is finished, so she can help with the scenery making.

My oldest daughter (age 23) does not care about the trains. My youngest daughter (age 22) has N and G scale sets that she refuses to part with.

So, I'm a lucky one that does not get any flack about my hobbies. I'm also into cars, but do not have any garage queens.


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## yellowiron (Mar 8, 2009)

Look there's a very simple answer to this,and it is a follows.
HONEY,AT LEAST YOU KNOW WERE I AM AT,IM NOT IN A BAR SOMEWHERE OR OUT DOING SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T,I'M HOME WERE I BELONG................
just my 2 pennies.
Mike


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## lears2005 (Feb 26, 2010)

I like how you put it shaygetz. I always will work on my trains after my little girl is in bed and my wife is doing what she wants to do. I will also sometimes get up early with my wife on the weekends when she is getting ready for work and work on my trains. I always try to spend the time when my little girl is up with her


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## tjcruiser (Jan 10, 2010)

Some insightful thoughts above, guys ... well stated.

TJ


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## marzbarz (Sep 23, 2011)

sstlaure said:


> Try "Everyone likes a nice caboose"


LOL oh indeed we do!!!!

My wife is good at times, but gets into her moments about money etc....Like we all mentioned. Would they like us at a bar chasing tails and drinking or at home working on our trains? Think the problem is that most of the wife's that get angry at their husbands for spending to much time with this hobby have no hobby of their own. They have no interest of their own , other then us!!! lol


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## joed2323 (Oct 17, 2010)

marzbarz said:


> LOL oh indeed we do!!!!
> 
> Think the problem is that most of the wife's that get angry at their husbands for spending to much time with this hobby have no hobby of their own. They have no interest of their own , other then us!!! lol



Absolutely... You hit the nail on the head exactly with this... They are bored so they think we should be bored with them


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## marzbarz (Sep 23, 2011)

joed2323 said:


> Absolutely... You hit the nail on the head exactly with this... They are bored so they think we should be bored with them


OH SNAPS you absolutely right!!!!!! Now the only problem we have is convincing them of this!! lol


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## New Berlin RR (Feb 11, 2012)

well Im in the "lucky" boat, I have a significant other who (from time to time) like most has moments of fussing about money and things like that, but for the most part encourages me to enjoy the hobby and hell they even try to get into it as well, got them a little trolley to enjoy when ever  so when I get mine out to enjoy its all cool there


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